Gracefully aging, Defiantly raging

"Get busy living, or get busy dying"

Do not go gentle into that good night,

Old age should burn and rave at close of day;

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

– Dylan Thomas

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I am currently in the middle of my 67th year of orbiting the sun. I shall continue to do so in earnest until time and affliction reroute my journey.  

Have I slowed down? Depends on your perspective. 

On terra firma, I’m more ossified than in decades past. Sometimes my back protests. Tinnitus taunts my ears with relentless chiming, so softer tones elude me. And my eyesight has been reduced to staring point-blank at the small print. 

As a cosmic traveler, however, I’m flying at 18.6 miles per second. (The orbital speed of the earth around the sun). If you consider the spinning pace of the Milky Way, I’m going even faster – about 1.3 million mph – and headed on a collision course toward Andromeda.

Like you, I’m blazing along while standing still. 

Oft times we hear the term “aging gracefully.” What does that mean? Is it a slow, balletic waltz on the beach with a lifelong partner? A pensive stare toward the setting sun? Too metaphoric. And a bit schmaltzy.

I can emphatically tell you what it’s not: 4:30 dinner at Denny’s … Seinfeld reruns … or prattling on about the good old days. That’s not raging. Nor is it graceful. 

“How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were? Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it don’t matter.” — Satchel Paige

Other than fleeting moments of memory loss – such as remembering a password I created hours ago  – I am of sound mind. I think I “think young.” I still enjoy adolescent humor … I still think the Three Stooges are funny. (OK, men of my age bracket will concur). And I still have all my hair, though grey has become the dominant color. So there’s that. 

More importantly, age has granted me time to revisit our amazing world of curiosities, and the desire to pursue and write about them. I have a fierce commitment to physical and mental fitness. I try to be a good person. Finally, travel has allowed me to preserve my most meaningful lifelong friendships. 

These add up to my telos, my purpose. And since the cosmos has bid “Godspeed,” here are my “how to” thoughts on aging gracefully.  

Unfinished Business

Aging gracefully sometimes requires walking a tightrope between a youth-obsessed society, which tells us that our value declines as we age, and embracing the open calendar we’ve worked a lifetime to achieve. 

Communally, we have family and friends to provide ballast. It helps. 

But maintaining a personal ethos, a strong sense of self, is a little more complicated. It is easy to retreat into comfort and complacency, but indolence leads to little pieces of you slowly eroding until there’s nothing left but a carcass. Thoreau said, "Most men live lives of quiet desperation ... and go to the grave with the song still in them."  

Sad, but true. And a damned shame. 

To my mind, aging gracefully means cleansing the spirit while singing the song.

Discipline vs. Motivation

Former Navy SEAL, author and cultural badass Jocko Willink says “Discipline equals freedom.” He wrote a whole book about it. 

Jocko Willink

Do not mistake motivation for discipline. Discipline eats motivation for breakfast. Motivation is the mental state when you think you are ready. But you can fake motivation … to yourself and others. Having discipline means adopting habits for conquering weakness, procrastination, lethargy and fear. 

The binding value of discipline is purpose. Take stock of all things you deem worthwhile. Have a purpose to wake up, to breathe, to embrace difficult tasks and demand more of yourself. Do things even when you don’t feel like doing them. 

This leads to the next thought…

The Price of Inaction

“Don’t wait: The time will never be just right.” – Mark Twain

An important decision is pending. A major purchase …  breaking a relationship … having a difficult conversation. Some people do nothing. Worse yet, others make the decision but then do nothing. Sort of like a car washer waiting for a rainy day. 

Doing nothing is not a strategy. A problem postponed is a problem extended. Begin with the end in mind. Gather information. The best outcomes usually develop using logic and reason. And logic doesn’t work without information. 

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The body and mind are simpatico. 

Speaking of inaction, be mindful that two of the Seven Deadly Sins are Sloth and Gluttony. They won’t go away with hope and prayer. A sedentary body will sooner be a dead body. So exercise is paramount, especially because of the symbiotic relationship between mind and body. 

The hippocampus is a part of the brain that plays a key role in learning and memory. The hippocampus shrinks as we age, which can lead to memory deficits and an increased risk of dementia. Neurological studies reveal that exercise increases hippocampus size by up to 2 percent, the equivalent of reversing one to two years of age-related decline.

The physical benefits are obvious. Sexagenarians can expect a 4 percent loss in bone mass and muscle density every year unless a fitness program is activated. The endocrine system slows, cells age, and immune response declines.

So get off your ass. Walking is good. Yoga and Pilates are better. Combinations with resistance training are best. Besides, the ability to move, dance and play are conduits to joy. It’s good to feel good.  

Being a schlump is not an option. 

Choose your regrets

A regret isn’t the result of a suboptimal decision. Regrets are unavoidable — like the inevitability of ramming your toe into the bedpost. No matter what, there are always going to be “well, shit!” moments in life. 

Decide the things you can live with and those you can’t live without. There’s nothing positive about lamenting choices you cannot change. 

Guilt and bitterness are among the most corrosive of all emotions. Acknowledge their presence. Then fire them toward the sun and let them melt with Icarus. You are not your past. You are not who you were yesterday, or last week, or last year. You are what you make yourself today. 

Outwork your self-doubt

“You don’t become confident by shouting affirmations at the mirror, but by having unassailable proof that you are who you say you are. Outwork your self-doubt.” 

For some, confidence oozes. It comes naturally. Others it takes time … days, months, years, decades. 

When a problem stems from your own lack of talent or skill, many people feel shame. 

Get over it. Acknowledging your weaknesses is not the same as surrendering to them. It’s the first step toward overcoming them. Pursue competence … and if possible, excellence. Outwork your self-doubt.

Competence breeds confidence. And it will show. 

That said …

Decide what you will suck at

Jack of all trades, master of none. When you commit and focus on a finite number of projects, you’ll need to decide or concede to what you’ll suck at.

Remember, you have limited time and bandwidth. Some things will be sacrificed. Example: My artistic skill is limited to drawing stick men. I’ll never be Monet. I have and always will suck at it, so I no longer try. 

Have a good bullshit detector … 

“Strong opinions loosely held vs. loose opinions strongly held.” 

Read that again carefully. You’d rather be the former than the latter. 

It’s important to speak your mind. Be aware of others’ BS. But also be wary of your mind traps. It’s important to be open, approachable and, when necessary, graciously admit to error. 

Difficult conversations can be mitigated, even stimulating. If you get stuck in disagreement, try to repeat a person’s beliefs by restating and verifying their words before making your case. Be aware of your own confirmation bias. Keep an open mind (loosely held). Do so in goodwill. 

Who knows? You might learn something new. And you’ll solidify a friendship. 

Now, that said … 

Stop Bitching

I will always be chafed by bad grammar, like the sentence recently in a newspaper that ended … “to we mortals.”  I bristle today’s butchering of our language. And I do not sit well with bad manners. 

Oh, and people who text and drive — I hope they spontaneously combust. 

However, I’ve vowed to stop talking about my aches, pains and ailments; what a friend refers to as an “organ recital.” It doesn’t provide relief — in fact, it seems to make the pain worse. Rather than instill empathy, “organ recital” turns most people off, especially young ones.

Mostly, though, I’m mindful of judgmentalism, particularly of generational differences. See, I remember when I thought my parents were lame. Curiously, they seemed to get smarter as I got older. 

Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying

This simple nugget of wisdom from Ellis “Red” Redding (The Shawshank Redemption) applies to anyone, but especially to those of advancing age.

You have a finite number of years. Make them purposeful. Embrace the little things … a baby’s laugh … morning dew on a flower petal … saying “thank you” …admiring a pristine layer of snow … playing with your dog … rainbows … a cool breeze … popping bubble wrap … the smell of night-blooming jasmine … watching your breath float away in cold air … calling an old friend … a good hair day … tossing something in the trash from far away … helping someone in need.

Most of all, live them with hope.

“Remember, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.”

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Jim Geschke was inducted into the prestigious Marquis Who’s Who Registry in 2021.

Acknowledgment to the following: Andrew Huberman (Neuroscientist, associate professor at Stanford University School of Medicine), Jocko Willink, Tim Urban (Podcaster of “Wait, But Why?”), Tim Harford (Nuffield College, Oxford University), Scott Galloway (Clinical professor of marketing at the NYU Stern School of Business), Ryan Holiday (podcaster, marketer and an author on Stoicism), James Smith (Author, podcaster, online trainer).