Part 2: Men's Mental Health ... The Force
There's a lot that goes into what makes a man a man ... especially the powerful factor of "T". And all he needs is just a little affirmation to break his "code of silence."
Go to any local public park on a Sunday afternoon and wander over to the playground. Don’t be creepy, just observe for a bit. Gather a little empirical evidence. Chances are you’ll see more boys than girls, and the girls who are active won’t last long. The boys will rev at mach speed, chase, climb and tussle … and stop only when it's time to leave. Meantime, the girls will retire to something more tranquil, perhaps as walking and balancing on a retaining wall. And they will follow, not chase.
The contrast is universal … at school, at home, or anywhere adolescents gather for open play. Boys are aggressive, jostling, tackling, tumbling, piling on each other (remember “King of the Hill?”) Most girls** choose more passive, even nurturing activities, sometimes in community, sometimes alone. Why, when no outside influences are applied (adult intervention) do these disparate behaviors play out?
** Make no mistake, girls can be extremely competitive and aggressive. Anyone who has ever attended a girls’ sports competition will attest to that.
Males: … in all species (“play to win”)
Jane Goodall and Dian Fossey, the most prominent primatologists of the 20th century, found the same gender-normal behaviors on the African lowlands and highlands. Male anthropoids play out their aggression on each other – their intrinsic physical and competitive being – to attain the highest status. This competition can be warlike; Goodall actually documented armed conflict among chimpanzees.
Conversely, females displayed traditional feminine roles, passive, submissive, and nurturing. Though chimps and apes are higher primates, their behaviors are not synthetic; they are organic and hard-wired into DNA by millions of years of evolution. For males, the ritual is one of dominance, king of the jungle stuff, with the primary purpose of (excuse the frankness) to attain as many female sexual partners as possible. It is the most feral game, and they play to win. What is this force at work?
Had Goodall and Fossey studied any mammalian species – rats, sharks, hippos, newts – they would have seen the same thing. Same force. Same ritualistic behaviors. Since we share common DNA with mammals, it should not be surprising that these behaviors also manifest in the most highly developed species of all – us. Even given our capabilities of self-actualization, abstract reasoning, rationality and morality – the higher order thinking processes that separate us from other species – that primal force is deep with us. It makes us as common as it makes us different. (Source: John Staughton “What makes us human?” Scienceabc, Nov., 2021)
The Force: Testosterone
The androgen Testosterone (T) is a sex hormone in invertebrates that plays important roles in the male body. It defines growth, reproduction bone mass, muscle mass and strength, and regulates sex drive (libido), as well as secondary sex characteristics such as facial and body hair growth and voice change. Women also have T, though exponentially less, just as men have small amounts of estrogen. Thus the physiological and reproductive differences.
There is little argument that T is fully responsible for development from neck down. In the past few years, however, some critics (Gender Ideologues) argue that we live in a gender -neutral or fluid society with shared brain functions, and that our behaviors are socially-driven. Moreover, they believe emotions and feelings are interpersonal and solely determined by reactions within an environment. These “Blank Slate” proponents argue (falsely) that sex differences in human personality and preferences are entirely the result of socialization. (Source: Colin Wright, Quillette Magazine, 30 July 2020).
Research indicates otherwise. Testosterone also connects, or integrates neurologically, within the brain. In fact, male neural structures are permanently “masculinized” prenatally. So true is it that women’s brains are feminized. We are genetically “wired” even before birth. Thus even trans men (woman to man) who undertake sex reassignment therapy, which involves extensive anatomical surgery and regular testosterone injections, will not automatically start “thinking like a man.” Never will. The testosterone mind-body connection is immutably binary. (Source: “T: The Story of Testosterone, the Hormone That Dominates and Divides Us.” Dr. Carole Hooven, Harvard University).
This doesn’t mean society isn’t a powerful influence on what we become. To the contrary, social codes, upbringing, education, localized culture and legislation regulate and shape humanity and its character roles. But masculinity wasn’t invented, nor is it a social construct … It is innate.
So … what does this have to do with Men’s Mental Health?
So: What does this have to do with those quiet men … the men living in quiet desperation? The Average Joe? (See Part 1) He has all of this chemistry and ethos inside him – toiling, roiling, boiling – and almost always on someone else’s behalf. That’s his role. It is where his energy flows. His masculinity is tied by both nature and society to the role of Provider.
But society has conditioned him to do so in solitude, lest he betrays the manly code of silence. Talk and no one hears. Speak out and no one listens. So Average Joe withdraws, his deepest thoughts buried deep and causing untold trauma and long-term consequences. Consider the following from Vital Statistics Rapid Release (Feb. 2021) …
78 percent of suicides are men
71 percent of the homeless are men
94 percent of all workplace deaths are men
99 percent of war deaths are men
Life expectancy: Women 80.5 years, Men 75.1 years
Single-parent homes …
70 percent of juvenile delinquents and runaways are from fatherless homes.
70 percent of teen births happen in the homes of single mothers.
Children are four times more likely to end up in poverty if raised by a single mother.
(Source: “The Red Pill” Jaye Bird Productions, 2016)
Education …
70 percent of high school dropouts are boys
Women are 24.7 percent more likely to enroll in higher education than men are.
Women make up 55.5 percent of undergraduate and graduate students of enrolled students in college as compared to 44.5 percent for men.
(Source: educationdata.org)
Domestic abuse
Though 60 percent of reports of domestic violence are filed by women against men; however, 40 percent are reported by men against women. There are more than 2,000 shelters in the United States for abused women. Question: How many shelters exist for men? Answer: One. (Note: These are cases reported to law enforcement. How many actually occur is unknown).
Silence Starts early
Fueled by a new Gender Ideology, today’s culture seems to prey on boys' weaknesses early. (Girls’ weaknesses also are exploited, but that is a topic for another day).
Even as early as age 3, boys' rambunctiousness is quashed. He may be “re-directed” away from boy toys, or normal horseplay and rowdiness, turning to more genteel activities to quiet him down. In many schools, competitive and physical games have been discontinued. (Is dodgeball still part of playtime?) Every indiscretion – a shove here, a push there – is reported and “corrected.”
By age 10, most boys become curious about sex. Then puberty hits, and even as his brain is hard-wired for this impulse he doesn’t understand this urge and doesn’t have the maturity to control or act safely on it. Boys can’t escape sex … it’s all over his computer, his phone, television, social media and music. He’s driven by everything around him to be a little creep, even as he is demanded to control himself and to be virtuous while being provided no tools to do so.
Lately, the heuristics from the gender ideologists have attempted to “correct” males from their evolutionary- and biologically-driven instincts. The American Psychological Association advised its members in 2018 how to train “harmful, traditional masculinity” out of boys and men. They’re treated as defective girls. In essence, boyhood is being treated as a disease.
What to do?
By the time many men begin their professional lives, or commit to a permanent relationship, they are reluctant to seek help because their masculinity is treated as a symptom of a disorder since they were boys. The weight of provider and responsibility is unbearable, yet speaking out is fruitless.
“.., women are encouraged to distrust men, and men are more nervous and guarded in their interactions with women. And worse, resentful of a label of ‘Patriarchy,’ one the vast majority doesn’t even recognize. He has his own challenges to face.” – Jessica Butcher, Entrepreneur, Co-Founder of Blippar, one of Britain’s best-funded technology scale-ups.
What to do? How do we free the Average Joe from being the man in the glass?
First and foremost, allow a man to be a man. But keep in mind he’s also a human being … with needs, emotions, pressures and most importantly, a voice. Watch. Listen. Understand. Reward. Sometimes you can break his silence not with a question, but with validation. Men are expected to provide, support and take care of themselves with no reassurance from the world. That’s when you compliment a guy it lights him up. It is amazing what “I’m here for you, with you, no matter what” can do.
“I don’t think you (women) understand how little validation men get. Women get compliments just for being a woman. You get validation for being a certain gender. Men will get hated on just for being men. ... They get very few compliments over the course of a year. And many get very little validation in the course of their relationships.”
Men need empathy, understanding. The masculine brain also favors logic, and reasoning. Sometimes that takes time to process.
A healthy society values both the masculine and feminine …there’s an equal and synergistic place for both. Boys need to be treated like boys and not a disease. Yes, they need to learn to control their natural urges, channel their masculine energy, and be steered in the right direction. That requires mature adult influence. Best case scenario: a positive male influence.
Character and righteousness are not molded by ideology. Pop culture cannot shape that. He needs more than a participation trophy. To that end, a little affirmation goes a long, long way.
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Jim, I enjoyed reading this! As a wife to a husband I adore and love for his ability to always take care of our family and a mother to a son growing up in this world, we need to value the role of men. I am hopeful the tides will shift.