Stupid stuff that needs to go away by 2024
Time for a linguistic purge. Take stupid ideas, phrases, and the people who speak them and launch them all toward the sun.
“It is better wither to be silent, or to say things of more value than silence. Sooner throw a pearl at hazard than an idle or useless word; and do not say a little in many words, but a great deal in a few.”
— Pythagoras
Every year, Merriam-Webster and the other ministers of lexicon introduce a few dozen new words and phrases to our vocabulary. This makes sense. English is a “living language” — it evolves and adapts to cultural trends and social norms.
Conversely, the dictionary shrinks over time as many words and phrases drop out of usage. When was the last time you saw a man lunking*? Do you feel uncomfortable when somebody groaks** you at a restaurant? Has anybody recently addressed you as thee? (We don’t need that one anymore — we’ve added 87 new pronouns just in the past decade).
* Lunking (v): Walking while smoking a pipe
** Groak (v): To silently watch someone eat and hope they invite you to join them.
Shifts and Trends
Then there’s the problem of overuse and abuse of terminology that coincides with the shifts and trends of a capricious society. Every newsworthy issue brings with it its own novel glossary.
These expressions (see list below) then get jackhammered into our frontal lobes on a daily basis. Like a shitty song that gets stuck in your head. Sick of “Artificial Intelligence” and “ChatGPT” yet?
I have a suggestion as to what to do with language (and people) that wear out their welcome. It’s only September, but we need to plan ahead.
How about this ...
On December 31, just before the ball drops in Times Square, pack up this linguistic garbage in two boxes, ship them to Geneva, load them into CERN’s Large Hadron Collider (LHC), and fire them at each other at warp speed so they smash themselves to smithereens.
These things need to go …
Here’s the list of offending verbiage.
(Open to suggestions. Please provide yours in the comments below)
“Inflection Point”
This mathematical term lost its original meaning in 2023. “Inflection point” is a pretentious way to say “turning point.” Often used by smug, well-coiffed cable news hosts.
“Gaslighting”
Gaslighting means to psychologically manipulate someone so that the victim begins to question his/her own thoughts and feelings. A pretty sinister psy-op. But today it is being overused to address minor conflicts and petty disagreements by outraged social media posters.
Anyone still using gaslighting at the end of 2023 deserves to spontaneously combust.
“Moving forward …”
Politicians and bosses often use “moving forward” for semantic legitimacy, self-interest, or to hurry along a conversation to cover up their mendacity. It’s another way of saying “Nothing to see here … “
So moving forward I say goodbye to “moving forward.”
“Amazing!”
Thesaurus.com lists 18 synonyms, but guys with Bro-level IQs still use this exclamation when responding to even the most mundane crap.
A dog sits on command … “Amazing!” “Did you make biscuits? Amazing!”
I visualize taking a sledgehammer to their kneecaps … “Amazing!”
MAGA
(Make America Great Again) The shibboleth has come to symbolize a massive cult-of-personality disease. The afflicted are easy to spot: they proudly display the mantle on their baseball hat. The world is weary of the MAGA brand. So make it disappear. Instead, I offer a freshly minted, more fitting label:
"Trumpian Unapologetic Republican Dementia Syndrome" (TURDS)
Better?
“Woke”
“Woke” is all-encompassing. Too broad, in fact, and its use as a pejorative for social justice lemmings has become trite. It is the Right’s counterpoint to the Left’s obsession with Fascism.
Woke has reached its expiration date. So to cover all bases — woke, wokism, wokesters, white wokers ## — I offer the following acronym as a replacement …
“Sanctimonious and Insufferable Moral Piety” (SIMPs)
OK. British comedian Andrew Doyle probably has the better replacement — “The New Puritans.”
## A nod to Game of Thrones fans
“Situationship”
Gen Z's slang for the union of two people who are attracted to one another, but still aren't a "thing" yet. Complicating the situationship is that even at age 21, one or both have yet to select a gender identity. ((sigh)) "So many pronouns, so little time!!!"
It's a dumb word and it needs to go.
Lockdowns/Mandates
Don’t … even … start …
Crypto-
It’s gone, right? So much fuss about something that was really nothing. Entirely digital products with values derived only from other peoples’ interests. A financial shell game.
So crypto went away, as did FTX. Sooner or later so will Sam Bankman-Fried. Hopefully, they’ll take “fungible” with them.
2SLGBTQIA+
So they’ve they’ve added 2S (Two Spirit) to the equation. Have Indigenous Peoples been conscripted into the Gender Bending Nation?
The Pride Parade now reads like my WiFi passcode.
DEI (Diversity, Equity and Inclusion)
All those companies who panic-bought into the “Diversity, Equity and Inclusion” hokum in 2020 realized their error and are now letting go of their human deadwood. Temp agencies are littered with resumes of laid-off DEI inquisitors.
Good riddance. Hopefully, DEI will DIE by 2024.
Justin Trudeau
OK. It’s a person. Canada’s preening peacock Prime Minister enacted the Emergencies Act in 2022 to thwart the Canadian truckers’ protest, allowing authorities to freeze truckers' bank accounts and empower the RCMP and other law enforcement agencies to confiscate their vehicles.
Canadians are noted for their affable, outgoing nature. Not this guy. Someone needs to take this sanctimonious wanker and fling him from a helicopter in a flaming port-a-potty. (Canadian accent: “That would be something, eh?”)
“NIMBY”
(“Not In My Back Yard”) A colloquialism signifying opposition to the locating of something considered undesirable in one's neighborhood. Characteristic of the Cosmopolitan Liberals who create idiotic policies for the homeless, displaced migrants and criminals, then hide behind security walls and bodyguards to keep the riff-raff away.
“GOAT”
(“Greatest of All-Time”) Always the source of futile arguments, especially in the sports world. Babe Ruth or Henry Aaron? Michael Jordan vs. LeBron James. Christiano Ronaldo or Lionel Messi. Too much time and too many brain cells have been wasted on these foolish beefs.
I’d rather hear a dispute over something more meaningful … like “Ginger or Maryann?”
Gavin Newsom
California’s governor reminds me of that unctuous used car salesman who compels you to quickly wash up after shaking hands. He looks like Eddie Munster all grown up.
Newsom has spent much of the past 18 months picking “who-has-the-bigger-schlong” fights with Florida Governor Ron DeSantis and Texas Governor Greg Abbott. Meantime, people are leaving California as if there’s a gold rush somewhere else.
Finally …
Elon, give this guy the first one-way ticket to Mars …
… and while you’re at it put a nuke onboard and detonate on impact.
Words I’d Like to Resurface by 2024
Fight/confrontation synonyms
Hubbub, kerfuffle, ruckus, tumult, fracas, mêlée, furore, dustup, donnybrook, rhubarb.
Spelunking (n)
Cave exploration! Brings out the Tom Sawyer in me.
Claptrap (n)
Nonsensical talk or ideas (see above).
Stravage (v)
To wander aimlessly. (Actually, I have to stop doing this)
Boogie (v)
There are endless uses for this versatile word … dancing, jamming, walking with an attitude. Plus, I like the sound and the way it rolls off the lips: “Let’s Boogie!”
The most versatile word of all …
(“Four Seasons” courtesy of Vivaldi)
###
(Open to suggestions. Please leave yours in the comments …)
Jim Geschke was inducted into the prestigious Marquis Who’s Who Registry in 2021.
I think "lunking" as a word (and as an activity) needs to come back, and no one could possibly take the side of Ginger in that debate.
Excellent essay. Thanks.
How delightful.