Satire: Words I hope disappear in 2022

Volume 1 of words and phrases that I hope are packed in an Elon Musk rocket and launched towards the sun.

As a retired English teacher, I pay rapt attention to things like grammar, syntax and language patterns. Colloquial speech doesn’t bother me that much .. people talk like they talk. With one exception: cliches. For some reason, cliches, platitudes and mindless tropes (“It is what it is’) comprise what I call “throwaway thinking.” Lazy language. Come on, the English language has life, real meaning. Words matter. 

However, over the past few years some new words have appeared … and some old ones that have taken on new meanings. Many of those have gone from neutral to charged to just plain stupid. Others are overused to the point of mental exhaustion. 

Here’s a list of words and combinations (phrases and acronyms) I wish would be vanquished in 2022. 

Woke: OK, I’m all for equality, opportunity, fairness and justice for all. But the spirit and altruism behind “Equity-Inclusion-Diversity” has morphed into a mesh of moral madness. Columbia linguist John McWhorter argues that “Wokeness” is the language of a new religion, epistles which actually hurt People of Color more than helps them. I agree. Here is a Glossary of Wokeness, courtesy of New Discourses.  

Existential: This word linked philosophy to literature in post-war Europe. Think Jean Paul-Sartre and Albert Camus. Existentialism is an ethical theory that we (humans) should treat the freedom at the core of human existence as intrinsically valuable and the foundation of all other values. Today, however, it is invariably attached at the hip to the word “threat.” Climate change, nuclear war, Donald Trump … all “existential threats” to humanity. People who make this connection are existential threats to my sanity. 

Narrative: It’s a story, for Chrissakes. Snow White has a narrative. Huckleberry Finn has a narrative. Ideologues fancy the word “narrative” as they pass along their heaping piles of BS. 

Literally: Word-for-word. Taken at face value. People use it to emphasize their point. Unfortunately, “literally” has reached Valley Girl proportions. 

Binary: Relating to, composed of, or involving two things. Take for example, gender is biologically binary. There are men, and there are women. You can attach all qualifiers and pertaining to sexual identity, which is an entirely different concept. But … as they say … follow the science, as in Biology. Bdelloid rotifers are sexless. They truly are non-binary.

Body Positivity: A euphemism for overweight people who don’t want to be called overweight. 

Cis: When this word first appeared I had to look it up. Definition: short for cisgender, Cis is a term that means whatever gender you are now is the same as that presumed for you at birth. In other words, when your doctor called you a boy or a girl when you were born, they got it right. This is different from your sexuality or sexual identity (hetero-, homo-, trans-, etc.) Somewhere along the way, however, Cis meandered its way into psychobabble, then became a pejorative used by non-cis attention-whores who insist you look and listen to them. Then they demand you use a vast array of pronoun gibberish. And when you say you don’t care, they scream bloody murder. 

Cultural Appropriation: This blarney came upon us a couple of years ago. I read a story where, at a major university, a campus cafeteria was called out by students for listing a Taco Special. You see, those atop the social justice totem insist that since people in the kitchen were not of Latin descent, the cafeteria (and the school) was hijacking them of their inherent heritage and cuisine. In other words, the Taco Special became racist. This fatuity spread … white people can’t wear braids or cornrows, for example. Keep this in mind the next time you make Borscht.

White Fragility: (courtesy of Dr. Peter Boghossian). When you hear "white fragility," what it really means is if you deny that you are a racist, that proves that you are a racist. The pretzel logic behind white fragility is that white people have power and status in society and are so accustomed to their power and status that they become fragile when they are confronted by their racism. So, if someone accuses you of racism, you have three options:

1. You can say that you're a racist, in which case you're a racist.

2. You can deny that you're a racist, in which case you're displaying white fragility, and your denial is evidence of your racism.

3. You can try to figure out what you've done that's racist by asking questions. In this case, you're still racist, because asking questions is a form of white fragility.

Problematic: How about “debatable” instead? Or “arguable?” Or just “a problem?” Adding the -ic suffix to convert a noun into an adjective is not grammatically incorrect. It’s just oafish diction. 

Plant-Based: Fake meat. 

Mainstream Media: Or Legacy Media. Please, do not associate this grouping of corporately-owned broadcast entities with journalism. Journalism is the practice of reporting objectively, without bias. Today, Journalism in Mainstream Media has gone the way of the Dodo. It doesn’t exist. 

Journalism is the practice of reporting objectively, without bias. Today, Journalism in Mainstream Media has gone the way of the Dodo. It doesn’t exist. 

Influencers: These are people who somehow have become cultural figures via Social Media. Sort of like the Kardashian family did on television a full generation ago. Yes, Keeping Up with the Kardashians is now in its 20th season. Speaks volumes, doesn’t it? You’ll find influencers primarily on Tik Tok, Instagram and YouTube. Despite having minimal talent or nothing of substance to say, these people have somehow worked their way into pop culture. Many are topical commentators who can barely put together a coherent sentence ... or are simply highbrow gasbags. See: Kendall Jenner, Michael Eric Dyson, Steven podcaster Kenneth Bonnell II (a.k.a. “Destiny”), Charli and Dixie DiAmelio, among others. If you don’t know them, consider yourself sane. 

CRT: Never mind. Just. Go.

Fur Baby: Women use this word for all of their non-human children, canine or feline. They think it’s cute. Put it this way … ever heard a guy call his dog “fur baby?” 

Pandemic: Let’s start calling it endemic. Make it a movement. Psychologically, we already might be there, but we’ll have to wait until science ordains it. And, as has become clearly evident, science is not solid state, nor should it be. We line up to kick, and either there’s a false start … or the wind (nee: politics) moves the goalposts. The virus isn’t going away. Let’s learn to live with it. 

Pivot: Slick word for changing your mind. I will pivot away from it in 2022. 

COVID: Enough said. 

Reminder: This is all done with tongue firmly embedded in cheek. Feel free to add your own words that should be placed in an outhouse and launched toward the sun.