The Politics of Boys and Men
Men and boys are struggling, and that's not good for anybody. We need to sit up and take notice.
“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” — Henry David Thoreau (“Walden” 1854)
There’s been some noise floating around lately that men and boys are struggling.
You might have heard the faint voices, maybe in bits and pieces, distant conversations about suicide, men’s mental health and the ever-widening gaps in education.
There are noises, but is anybody listening? Does anybody even want to talk about it much less do anything about it? Or is it just copium rising from the so-called manosphere?
It seems over the past several years that when men’s issues have been broached publicly, in news interviews or open forums, the subject is hastily brushed aside. If a discussion does ensue, there must be an a priori caveat: “This isn’t saying anything against women.”
Watch this clip from BBC News, where British comic Geoff Norcott tries to discuss the serious issue of male suicide. He is quickly dismissed by feminist Ava Santina, who is not inclined to listen …
Apparently, you must walk on eggshells while talking about offing yourself. The discussion went completely south when the other female host on the panel stiffly suggested that Norcott would be better served by joining a women’s advocacy group against domestic violence.
The Issues Are Real
The voices you have heard are muted pleas of desperation. Men’s problems are very real and are reaching critical mass. And while rarely recognized or acknowledged by the mainstream, they are hurting everyone … men, women, families and entire communities.
By virtually every measure — employment, education, relationships, financial status, fatherhood, mental health and overall well-being — boys and men, especially men under age 35, are in quiet desperation.
Our not-so-Brave New World has left many men directionless and feeling powerless. And critical indicators show that instead of “manning up,” they are checking out. According to Pew Research, 7.2 million men aged 25-54 have left the labor market. Not “in-between” jobs, but vanished. They do not show up in unemployment figures. Most are not college educated.
More than half of single men between ages 21 and 35 are not in relationships; worse yet, evidence shows they aren’t even trying. About one-third are living with their parents.
Hard Facts
Education: Men make up only 40 percent of college enrollment. And it is still falling. Less than 30 percent of leaders in high school GPA are male. Eight in 10 high school dropouts are boys.
Suicide: Men are four times more likely to die by suicide than women. The No. 1 cause of death of all men under age 40 is suicide. In 2022, more than 62,000 men in America decided to check out — totally.
Substance Abuse: Men are three times more likely than women to become dependent on drugs and alcohol, and seven times more likely to die of accidental overdose.
Mental health: 77 percent of men have experienced common mental health symptoms like anxiety, stress, or depression. However, 40 percent have never spoken to anyone about their mental health.
Homelessness: Eight in 10 of the entire homeless population in the U.S. are men
Incarceration: Men make up 90 percent of all Americans who are incarcerated.
Another hard truth: Many of these disaffected young men have withdrawn into a lonely, isolated existence, numbed by prescription drugs and immersed in video games and pornography.
Worse yet, many are lashing out online against a society they believe has forsaken them. Often these so-named Incels turn to social media, joining legions of other “red-pilled” and “black-pilled” males raging against women, “privileged” men and society in general.
How did the manosphere become so broken? Why are so many men hurting and detached? What changed the social dynamic that has resulted in men becoming, for the lack of a better word, “expendable?”
As often heard in the buzzword-suffused world of media and punditry, “We need to have a discussion.”
Revolution: The rise of women
Over the past 50 years, a rapidly changing world has redefined gender roles and reciprocal economic status. The beneficiaries of the transformation are girls and women.
Reform and activism, specifically regarding reproductive rights (legalized abortion and hormonal birth control, i.e. “the pill”**), coupled with progressive policy initiatives such as Title IX, were game-changers in the early 70s. Both triggered the transition of women into the workforce and expanded their overall economic clout at an astonishing pace.
Nowhere is the movement better exemplified by higher education …
College enrollment
1972: 70 percent male, 30 percent female
2023: 62 percent female (and rising), 38 percent male
A critical factor behind these advances for women has been the buildout of systemic governmental and social support structures. Billions have been spent to create advocacy groups, charities, and women’s health organizations both nationally and in every state. These systemic changes no doubt have made a monumental impact.
This social revolution has steamed forward at an unprecedented pace, faster than any other movement in history.
Women’s equality was long overdue. So what’s the problem?
** The contraceptive birth control pill was first approved in 1960, but didn’t become legal for unmarried women in the U.S. until 1972. The Roe v. Wade decision to legalize abortion was rendered in Jan. 1973.
An “Attitude” Problem
Nobody has a problem with women’s success. Nor should they.
But there is a problem with men’s struggles. And it has to do with attitude and empathy. Part of it is systemic. Some of it is cultural. The rest is on men themselves.
Look hard. How many programs are there for men and boys comparable to those initiated for women and girls over the past 50 years?
The new White House Initiative on Women’s Health Research was introduced just last month with great ceremony. Is there a mirror initiative for men’s health research? No.
The Center for Disease Control (CDC) has an Office for Women’s Health. Does it have an Office for Men’s Health? No. The Regional Women's Health Analysts (RWHA) work with 10 regional women’s health offices nationwide. Is there a similar cooperative for men? No.
So what gives? Where does equality fit in the equation for men? Why is there a gaping “help gap?”
The answer is how society sees men and women differently.
Here’s the part no one says out loud: If women have a problem we say “What can we do to fix society?” If men have a problem, we say “What can men do to fix themselves?” — Chris Williamson (“Modern Wisdom”)
Here’s the part no one wants to say out loud: If women have a problem we say “What can we do to fix society?” If men have a problem, we say “What can men do to fix themselves?” — Chris Williamson (“Modern Wisdom”)
If you are today’s young male and are disillusioned by your financial status and career direction, where you fit in society, or have relationship and mental health issues … you’re on your own, dude.
Fix yourself. Man up.
It’s Not a “Zero Sum” Game
Authors such as Louise Perry, Michael Kimmel, Mary Harrington and Richard Reeves have studied social trends for years and are in consensus: the gains of women and girls over the past half-century have been nothing short of phenomenal and should be celebrated.
However, Reeves, a senior fellow at the Heritage Institute and author of the New York Times best-seller Of Boys and Men (2022) argues that the overarching mistake we make is assuming that advocating for men is an attack on women.
“It is not a zero-sum game. It is not a ‘Who’s side are you on?’ question. Like you have to be on one side or another rather than just being on the side of human flourishing.“ — Richard Reeves ("Of Boys and Men”)
Reeves and others insist men should not blame women's successes for their struggles, and most importantly women need to understand that addressing men’s issues and lifting men is best for all concerned.
It is a matter of human flourishing: Men need women to thrive, and women need men to thrive.
Mixed message: The Vulnerable Man
Men are often told that everything would be better if they stopped suppressing their emotions and became more vulnerable. Don’t keep feelings bottled up, they say, and your self-destructive ways would subside and your mental health would improve.
But is this the case? Does the world really want emotive, vulnerable men? There are plenty of indicators that say otherwise.
Interestingly, surveys show what most women of all ages DON’T want — they don’t want their men to be career, financially, or physically vulnerable. The message men receive is “Please share yourself with me, but don’t share too much or in a way that makes me feel like you’re not a strong, confident man.”
So the “vulnerability” plea is both confusing and counterintuitive to men who cannot process or distinguish the mixed messaging from their natural biological disposition (masculinity).
So what is the Answer?
So when are men going to be thrown a lifeline? How do we pull angry young men out of the basement and back into the game of life? When will we come to grips that Richard Reeves is right, that this isn’t a zero-sum game and that men and women have mutual interest in each other’s success?
Make Systemic Changes
Telling men to just be more vulnerable is overly simplistic and naive. It doesn’t help those who have left the labor market — especially in manufacturing — where jobs have been shipped overseas or become automated.
Reeves suggests it’s time for the public and private sectors to take action to support men as it has women. The lack of awareness of men’s health problems creates a lack of political will to address them, which in turn undermines support for male-focused health care.
That cycle must be broken. And maybe it will. In June 2023, the Men’s Health Awareness and Improvement Act was introduced to Congress by Rep. Donald Payne (D-NJ).
The bill would create an Office of Men's Health within the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), which would mirror the Office of Women’s Health. It would be charged with studying men's use of health screenings and services, and instruct the Government Accountability Office to report on the effectiveness of federal outreach related to men's health initiatives.
Reeves also has suggested the buildout of state- and county-funded vocational schools, opening new avenues for men’s careers not requiring a college degree.
It’s not much, but it’s a start.
Soapbox time: Men — Do Better
The other solution is simple — do better.
So modern culture is shitting on you. The playing field isn’t balanced. It favors the privileged and bends to the will of a fickle culture that seems to demonize traditional masculinity.
So what? Do better.
Society has precalibrated hurdles for Average Joe, who may not have the Ivy League pedigree but still possesses the ability to improve himself if he has the will and discipline to do so.
Men need to take accountability. Get into physical shape, which will promote mental acuity. Don’t have a father figure? That makes it tough, but not insurmountable. There are good men out there, reputable men with integrity and strength. Emulate them.
Faced rejection? Welcome to the real world, dude. Rejection is cold, harsh and relentless for men. But failure is a great teacher, maybe the best. It isn’t easy, but growth comes with failure and pushing the comfort zone. Value yourself, and others will value you.
If we want better men, learn to be a better man yourself.
(end of Soapbox)
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Jim Geschke was inducted into the prestigious Marquis Who’s Who Registry in 2021.
This is probably something that only certain men will proactively do, but I’m part of a weekly men’s group that meets on Zoom and there are men from around the world in it. It’s been extremely heartening to hear from men willing to talk about their struggles, their relationships with their fathers and mothers, to have a safe space to talk about stuff they almost never discuss with their guy friends. Finding the right group may certainly take some trial and error (some may be too touchy-feely, or poorly facilitated), but it’s worth looking into IMO.
Great post - the substantive thing I see that can be accomplished soon after a widespread recognition that there is an issue that must be solved that you’ve alluded to. Most of the men I know, that are successful as MEN, can do something else. They can build things, use their hands, fix things, understand how STUFF works, not just human systems. The concept of high school and college level classes in a dedicated industrial setting (not just classrooms), but repair bays, eventually moving to jobsites - plumbing, electricians, carpenters, cement finishers, farming and farm equipment repair, mechanics of all sorts, building and repairing heavy machinery, and doing the same with stuff most people just toss - probably no one wants to work for 45 years repairing televisions and audio gear, but it would be great if some millions of men could do it if needed and be paid for their labor, assisted with downloadable reference material and tool and hand skills. Maybe turn some of those failing or now empty malls and shopping centers into productivity centers for both skilled journeymen and their subsidized apprentices.