This is probably something that only certain men will proactively do, but I’m part of a weekly men’s group that meets on Zoom and there are men from around the world in it. It’s been extremely heartening to hear from men willing to talk about their struggles, their relationships with their fathers and mothers, to have a safe space to talk about stuff they almost never discuss with their guy friends. Finding the right group may certainly take some trial and error (some may be too touchy-feely, or poorly facilitated), but it’s worth looking into IMO.
Great post - the substantive thing I see that can be accomplished soon after a widespread recognition that there is an issue that must be solved that you’ve alluded to. Most of the men I know, that are successful as MEN, can do something else. They can build things, use their hands, fix things, understand how STUFF works, not just human systems. The concept of high school and college level classes in a dedicated industrial setting (not just classrooms), but repair bays, eventually moving to jobsites - plumbing, electricians, carpenters, cement finishers, farming and farm equipment repair, mechanics of all sorts, building and repairing heavy machinery, and doing the same with stuff most people just toss - probably no one wants to work for 45 years repairing televisions and audio gear, but it would be great if some millions of men could do it if needed and be paid for their labor, assisted with downloadable reference material and tool and hand skills. Maybe turn some of those failing or now empty malls and shopping centers into productivity centers for both skilled journeymen and their subsidized apprentices.
Dec 19, 2023·edited Dec 19, 2023Liked by Jim Geschke
Certainly a deep topic so close to Christmas. Personally, I empathize with you, Jim, however this is not what I spend time thinking about. I have no sons, just one daughter.
I think ALL of these flawed men (I am (was) one as well - but obvs not under 35 any more) started learning about life as children. The parents have the responsibility - no the obligation to raise their children better. Better children > better adults.
I love and appreciate the work that you did to show the "Hard Facts". They are eye-opening! Another enjoyable read, Jim!
I am the mother of two adult sons. I have thought about the things you wrote here a great deal. You are right on all accounts, our culture seems to think it's either/or - advocating for male rights means women don't get a fair shake which is not true. It's the age-old case of the pendulum swinging too far. Our school system (at least in Canada) is highly geared toward a style of learning that does not suit many boys. That's just a start as you said in your piece.
This is probably something that only certain men will proactively do, but I’m part of a weekly men’s group that meets on Zoom and there are men from around the world in it. It’s been extremely heartening to hear from men willing to talk about their struggles, their relationships with their fathers and mothers, to have a safe space to talk about stuff they almost never discuss with their guy friends. Finding the right group may certainly take some trial and error (some may be too touchy-feely, or poorly facilitated), but it’s worth looking into IMO.
Great post - the substantive thing I see that can be accomplished soon after a widespread recognition that there is an issue that must be solved that you’ve alluded to. Most of the men I know, that are successful as MEN, can do something else. They can build things, use their hands, fix things, understand how STUFF works, not just human systems. The concept of high school and college level classes in a dedicated industrial setting (not just classrooms), but repair bays, eventually moving to jobsites - plumbing, electricians, carpenters, cement finishers, farming and farm equipment repair, mechanics of all sorts, building and repairing heavy machinery, and doing the same with stuff most people just toss - probably no one wants to work for 45 years repairing televisions and audio gear, but it would be great if some millions of men could do it if needed and be paid for their labor, assisted with downloadable reference material and tool and hand skills. Maybe turn some of those failing or now empty malls and shopping centers into productivity centers for both skilled journeymen and their subsidized apprentices.
Certainly a deep topic so close to Christmas. Personally, I empathize with you, Jim, however this is not what I spend time thinking about. I have no sons, just one daughter.
I think ALL of these flawed men (I am (was) one as well - but obvs not under 35 any more) started learning about life as children. The parents have the responsibility - no the obligation to raise their children better. Better children > better adults.
I love and appreciate the work that you did to show the "Hard Facts". They are eye-opening! Another enjoyable read, Jim!
Jim,
Thank you for your fine article offering us key dimensions
of the serious challenges facing men and boys these days.
The question you raise that I am pursuing in my work is:
How do we pull angry young men out of the basement?
I would reword the question as:
How do we inspire young men to WANT to come out of the basement?
Well, first we have to figure out:
Why are they are down there?
and
What don't they have
that they need to have
in order to come out?
The best insights I have found on these questions
are conveyed during a Chris Williamson program:
Why do therapists not understand male depression?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yyWlp6sTv0
He interviews an excellent therapist whose perspective
on why young men are in the basement
and what they need to come out
is confirmed by nearly all of the 1525 comments
left on the site by unhappy young men
who are stunned to finally hear someone who understands them.
I learned more from this interview and these young men's responses to it
than from all my coursework in graduate school.
The letters I write on my Solutions substack channel the insights I gained.
Thank you again for your valuable writing on this vital topic, Jim.
I hope these insights on male depression will contribute to your work.
Deborah
10/10 on this excellent post. Thank you Jim.
I am the mother of two adult sons. I have thought about the things you wrote here a great deal. You are right on all accounts, our culture seems to think it's either/or - advocating for male rights means women don't get a fair shake which is not true. It's the age-old case of the pendulum swinging too far. Our school system (at least in Canada) is highly geared toward a style of learning that does not suit many boys. That's just a start as you said in your piece.