War of the Words: USA vs. England

“Two great nations divided by a common language."

“Two great nations divided by a common language."

Oscar Wilde and George Bernard Shaw both are credited with this familiar phrase regarding England and the United States. Though Wilde is universally known for his wit, flamboyance and verbal dexterity, I lean towards Shaw, the Irish playwright, humorist and polemicist.

After all, Shaw once said, “I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation.”

You gotta love a guy like that.

Great Britain and the United States share most conventions of Western Civilization Enlightenment, which makes sense. After all, the only reason we divorced in 1776 was because of a squabble over some stamps and tea.

Afterward, each went its own way. The British Empire under Queen Victoria became the world's foremost power for most of the 19th century. America went on to pursue happiness while retaining few of the mother country’s customs, then caught and passed the Victorians as a global force during The Gilded Age.

We also made a few changes to the common tongue.

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Short history: Accents

England: RP and local dialects

At the time of American Independence, accents on both sides of the Atlantic were unsurprisingly similar.

Over the years, the accents diverged but the American inflection has changed less drastically than in Great Britain. (Seems like it would be the other way around, right?)

Both countries developed regional dialects, with England evolving primarily through provincialism and class distinction.¹ The highborns of London and Cambridge, for example, sound very different than the plebs across the island nation.

Posh Brits speak what is euphemistically called “BBC English” or “Received Pronunciation” (RP) — a dialect that demands precision in articulation and phonation.

Except for the ‘R’ sound. Notably, RP is a non-rhotic accent that was consciously developed by the English aristocracy in London in the late 18th century. Its most distinctive characteristic is where the ‘R’ is faded or dropped. For example: “hard” is pronounced “haahd” … “girl” is pronounced “gaahl.” (Coincidentally, they use a similar “aah” inflection when they want to take a “baahth”).

The BBC has an online app and guidelines on its website on how to speak “proper” English. In other words, the network more-or-less mirrors the primacy of 19th-century Victorians. Or as Americans would call it “a stick up their ass.”

However, the beauty of Anglican dialectism is found in its diversity and regionalism. The blokes in Newcastle have the “Geordie” accent. In Birmingham they speak “Brummie,” and Liverpool is home to “Scouse.”²

Yes, the Fab Four were Scousers.

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But it’s hard to deny Cockney as the banger of all British accents ….

Cockney: Bloody well right!

Dick Van Dyke was awful as Bert the doltish Cockney in Mary Poppins (1964). Full cringe. You need the great Michael Caine to do it right. Or Adele.³ Or British television star/thug Danny Dyer.

Cockney is an East London working-class accent known for its roughness and colorful colloquialisms. They even have their own Cockney Rhyming Slang.

There’s only one way to demonstrate Cockney: Phonetically. Imagine an East End ruffian at a McDonald’s drive-thru … (without the F-bombs).

Cockney: “Ah’ li’e a cord’a ponda.”

Drive-thru: “A what?”

Cockney: “A cord’a ponda … wif’ frois” (Quarter Pounder with fries)

Drive-thru: “Oh, OK.”

Cockney: “Alma chizzett?” (How much is it?)

Drive-thru: “Ten pounds fifty.”

Cockney: “Oy … a cockle? Bollocks! J’ne’a meen? (Wow … ten pounds? Bullshit! Do you know what I mean?)

Drive-thru: “No, not really.”

Like the Essex accent, Cockney swaps the ‘th’ sound for ‘f’ (as in Keef Richards) and drops the ‘h’ in front of words like head (‘ead). The ‘t’s’ are cut short in the middle of words, and ‘me’ substitutes for ‘my.’ (“Where’s me trousers?”)

Despite its low-brow coarseness, Americans find Cockney quaint, borderline charming, even when getting beaten senseless by a football hooligan.

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America: Regional dialects

It’s pretty easy to recognize regional accents … New Yawk … Baahston, Minnesooda … Looz-eanna … Sath Care'liena.

I happen to live in Jowja, just outside Atlanta. It came as no surprise when I moved here 19 years ago that I would be subject to culture shock. For instance, I’d been pushing a shopping cart all my life until I learned in Jowja that I was pushing a “buggy.” Just as suddenly, y’all became a preferred collective pronoun. (Common to Southern states).

Jowja

Oh, if you’re getting ready to do something in Jowja you are “fixin’ ta.”

Minnesooda

Regional colloquialisms and idioms are the spices of all dialects. However, the cheesiest, most cornball locutions come from Minnesooda. The native accent is sonantly similar to Canadian English — because of proximity — but without the obligatory "eh?" at the end.

Still, there are things Minnesoodans say that can leave you speechless ....

• “Ope!” — bumping into somebody

• “You betcha!” — “Yes.” But cringe-worthy

• “Holy buckets!” — as close to swearing as Minnesotans come

• “Dontcha know?” — (see "You betcha!")

• “Pop” — the rest of the country calls it soda

• “Juicy Lucy” — a stuffed hamburger

• “Darn tootin’!” — yes, they really say this

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Spelling

The most obvious difference is the British use of ‘u’ after the ‘o’ before ‘r.’ (colourful, humour, behaviour). Somewhere along the line, Americans dropped the ‘u’ … hey, it’s silent and pretty much worthless.

In the U.K., the letter ‘z’ (zed) replaces the American ‘s.’ (civilisation, authorise, recognise). According to Google, American English spelling generally follows the rules of Latin and Greek, whereas British English also incorporates French. (Who would follow the French?)

There are other oddities.

Many verbs are different between Americans and Brits, especially the past tense. I favor the Britons, who have a lovely Shakespearean lilt. We say "dreamed, burned, leaped, meanwhile" ... whereas RP English sounds like Prince Hamlet ... "dreamt, burnt, leapt, whilst."

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Common stuff that’s different

Items

American ☚ ☛ British

• Elevator — Lift

• Trash — Bin

• Candy — Sweets

• Apartment — Flat

• Pants — Trousers (Brits say "pants" for their underwear)

• Truck — Lorry

• Sweater — Jumper

• Field (sports) — Pitch

• Cookie — Biscuit

• Eggplant — Aubergine

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Spotted Dick

A special shout out to the “land of the Angels” for contributing Spotted Dick to world cuisine. Spotted Dick is a traditional British steamed pudding, historically made with suet and dried fruit and often served with custard.

I’ll just leave this one right here.

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Pronunciation

American ☚ ☛ British

Process (short 'o' as in box) ….. Process (long 'o' as in bow)

Oregano (O-rey-ga-no) ….. Or-ah-gah-no

Controversy (Con-tro-versy) ….. Con-trov-esy

Herb (‘erb) ….. Herb ('h' is sounded)

Aluminum (Uh-loo-min-um) ….. Al-loo-min-ee-um

Water (Wadder) ….. Woh-tah

Vitamin (Vai-ti-min) ….. Vit-a-min

Garage (Guh-rahj) ….. Gare-uj

Schedule (Sked-juel) ….. Shed-juel

Presume (Pre-zoom) ….. Pre-szhoom

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So in the end … whose English is better?

Bard to the Bone

My vote. America … may thou go sucketh on thine eggs.

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Jim Geschke was inducted into the prestigious Marquis Who’s Who Registry in 2021.

1. Dialects in England are as startlingly different as the U.S. but are sequestered over much smaller geographic areas.

2. The term is named after "scouse" stew, which is typically made of chunks of meat, potatoes, and onion.

3. Yes, songbird Adele is not from East London but still favors the Cockney/Essex accent in conversation.